Internet Gutter Broken Records

first_imgThe internet is a strange and terrifying place. It’s enabled us to connect with one another, advance the causes of science and culture, and unite the world with a glowing net of data. It’s also enabled people with very… particular interests to find each other online. In this new ongoing series, we’ll be dipping into the Internet Gutter – the strange subcultures and weird worlds lurking in the dark pockets of the World Wide Web.Recordsetter.com“We believe everyone can be world’s best at something.” That’s the text that greets you when you click over to Recordsetter.com, a scrappy upstart looking to challenge the Guinness Book for dominance over the world of world records. While the Guinness Book contains hotly contested accomplishments that are carefully vetted by a team of observers, Recordsetter lets anybody make up any record they want and submit it.The New Yorker did a piece on the site, saying “Recordsetter is to Guinness World Records as Wikipedia is to the Encyclopedia Britannica.” That’s a pretty solid summary, for better or for worse.The thing with Recordsetter is that the intense level of quality control that Guinness brings to the table is gone. People can claim to set any ridiculous record they want, and the site will happily put it up. When you’re browsing Recordsetter, you’re not seeing the limits of human ability. You’re seeing the limits of our boredom. Let’s get going.Everybody’s A WinnerWhen you look at a record in the Guinness Book, you feel a sense of awe – it’s amazing that somebody pushed themself far enough to accomplish a task so useless. Recordsetter gets the “useless” part right, but dispenses with the pushing. The vast majority of the “records” on the site are absurd things like Longest Line Of People Making Finger Mustaches And Giving “Thumbs Up” Signs. To be fair, getting 152 people to do that is an accomplishment.The real ridiculous records are stuff like Slowest time to close a drawer or Most slices of bread looked at in 10 seconds. And then there are people who are just insanely lazy, like Most unread messages on a Steam account. They don’t take effort or skill, just noticing that nobody’s claimed the spot yet. And Recordsetter is full of them.Hall Of LegendsThere are a few people who have made Recordsetter their life’s work, setting and contesting numerous bizarre records day in and day out. Let’s meet a few of them, shall we?Doug McManaman is one of the most prolific users of the site, a retiree from Nova Scotia who as of press time held a whopping 973 records. Some of his accomplishments include “Longest time balancing a baseball bat on right thumb while lying on back” and “Longest time balancing a baseball bat on left thumb while lying on back.” Doug’s all about balancing, and to be fair he’s not bad at it.Almost all of Doug’s record attempts take place in a claustrophobically cluttered rec room, where he balances CD cases, golf balls, and other junk on various parts of his body. One would think that having a dozen records for doing this would be enough, but Doug cannot be stopped.Dinesh Shivnath Upadhyaya is one of my personal favorite recordsetters, because everything he does revolves around his capacious mouth. The Mumbai native dominates categories like “Most mini onions fit in mouth” and “Most grapes eaten in one minute.”He also has a sideline with bizarre Twitter-related records, holding the top spots for hotly contested achievements like “Most astrological signs formed from the letters LIVESTRONG in a single Tweet” (it’s just “Leo” and “Virgo,” in case you were wondering. The mouth stuff is legit impressive, but these weird Twitter records kind of bring the cool levels down a bit.Pavol Durdik is another record maniac, but his accomplishments are even pettier. He loves to record high scores on online games like Toy Blast and submit them as individual world records for each and every level.Durdik also dabbles in the basic Recordsetter skills of balancing things on his body and bouncing balls off of things. With over 1,000 records to his credit, he has to be imaginative. Pavol also really likes browsing other people’s records and beating them, like Most matches put out on tongue in one minute.Here Come The HatersThe other thing that Recordsetter brings to the game is a comments section on every record. If you’ve read the comments on any other site on the Internet (except this one, of course), you know that they’re always full of mouthbreathers, racists, and general human garbage. Recordsetter is no different.The most common word in Recordsetter’s comment section is “fake.” Look at the string under Most Mouse Clicks In 10 Seconds, for example. Dozens of people are ripping the guy apart, claiming that they could do better and that he’s cheating. It’s like that with many of the most hotly-contested records on the site.The thing with Recordsetter is that you can literally spend all day there finding weirder and weirder accomplishments. I encourage you all to share your weirdest ones in the comments. We’ve put a few in the slideshow below. <> We’re all looking for a little validation in our lives. Deep down, everybody wants to be the best at something. But if the thing that you’re the best at is ridiculous enough that it has a place on Recordsetter, it might be less humiliating to settle for second.last_img

Posts Tagged with…

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *